So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
