I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
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