sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
