yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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