you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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