your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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