so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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