You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
