so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
