Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
