i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
