It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm