He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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