Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.