we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!