chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
