How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
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The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick