Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
