guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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