she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize