Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
someone threw a dead crab at me
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
