I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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