I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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