he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
