she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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