So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
