Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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