dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
