I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
