the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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