I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
