a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Your penis caused this!
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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