Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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