I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
