Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
