Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
