dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
