I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
