I murdered the dance floor call the cops
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
