So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
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We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
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So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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