I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
