he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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