Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
smell my finger.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
