tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
