1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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