nut hugger
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
