he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
