the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
