Your face is a jimmy john
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
