Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We had to coat check the pizza.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
