i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
