I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
