Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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