i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
