I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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