Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
