All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
