low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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