I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
