ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
