guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
