she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We need a shit load of segways right now
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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