Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
