That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
