why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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