Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!