She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you didnt know i had herpes?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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