He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
