i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I can't put those talents on a resume
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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