you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
