they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
