why didn't you poke me back
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
