Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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